sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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