don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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