it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
