so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
