I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
