just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
