omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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