so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
