Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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