awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
