No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
