I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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