I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
