he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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