also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
