I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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