I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
