I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
