You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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