Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
