that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
