we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
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