Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
