Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
