she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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