Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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