Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just cropdusted the office
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
