I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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