are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
