Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
