So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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