I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
third nipple confirmed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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