i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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