you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
