are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
