also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
