I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
