why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
