Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i out mim tonsoeep
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
