I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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