so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
