Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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