apparently the secret to your success is patron
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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