Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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