Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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