I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
