Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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