It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
