just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
