Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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