Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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