My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
